Life in stages
“Play with them for the first seven years (of their life); then teach them for the next seven years; then advise them for the next seven years (and after that).”
The above Hadith of the Prophet gives us the guidance to divide the upbringing of a child into three stages.
Which phase of your life are you?
-PLAY
-TEACH
-ADVISE
I have decided to view the great challenge of life as one of knowing the stages of life we are and the appropriate life we should LIVE in that stage.
Let’s look at how a piece of land in the middle of nowhere becomes a modern and egalitarian society.
On day one, it is a man and a cutlass, nation building starts with cutting down the first blade of grass. It is 100% sacrifice and zero entitlement, no roof to shield the man, no water, no roads and no government..
Every nation starts from here, and will cease to be if the people were to demand anything from the ‘state’ which technically, is one and the Same with the people. Everyone is a BUILDER.
And then there’s a phase where the community has been formed and it is being attacked by wild beasts and by vandals and criminals, and everyone becomes a SOLDIER. You expect no protection from anyone but yourselves.
And then the warriors are elevated to leadership, to guide the defence of the community, and still you only ask to be led, not to be fed or housed.
And so the society continues to evolve, until people start to prosper and start to consolidate resources so they can provide certain services collectively..
Why am I telling you this story?
Because the biggest error of our time is that we are not living in the decade we are IN. We have attempt to TEACH our children in the first seven years instead of playing with them, to PLAY with them in the years we are expected to advise them.
That is why we are often surprised by the state of our nation .. we take our expectations from nations that are in a different state of development and somehow expect to harvest what we have not yet sowed.
We have asked our country to provide free education for the 1% who can make it to the university when it barely has enough resources to fund primary education for all, we have demanded that petrol be subsidized when our country is not yet able to provide access to clean water for the majority, we have opted to live like kings and queens while poverty reigns, our leaders are building palaces for themselves instead of filing potholes for the rest of us.
The challenge therefore is not just knowing which game we are playing, it is in knowing which half we are in, which quarter we are starting, which hole we are teeing.
It also consist in knowing which role we are equipped for. A gifted goalkeeper may be a terrible striker, an excellent coach may not be able to play the game at all.
So which decade are you? After you have enjoyed the first seven years of playing with your folks, you have endured the second seven of learning, it is now time for you to tolerate the next seven years of advice. What comes next for you? How do you ensure you are doing the right thing for the phase you are in?
We all headed to universities expecting to be taught only to realize our professors are there to ADVISE us, to GUIDE us, to INSPIRE us. But learning will be entirely up to you. Those who realize this early will do well.
Then we graduate. What NEXT?
I think of the 7 years, between the age of 21 and 28, as the age of SACRIFICE. These are the years when you must wake up early every single day, when you must do the most difficult work for which you will not be paid enough, when you will build your business but live on lowly wages.
In this phase, you must exercise discipline so that you can build for takeoff, and you must also exercise your body and your mind. This is where the boys & girls are separated from the big boys & girls of the future. The princesses from the queens. You must resist the urge to start living large, to party till dawn, to spend more than you earn.
If you handle the 4th phase well, you will be eased into your first true position of leadership, you will become a teacher and a mentor to those coming into the workplace. In this phase, you job is to HELP. Whatever you do, for as long as you are programmed to help people get things done, you will excel, you will be propelled. And by the time you turn 35, you should be ready for the next and most exciting phase of your life.
Between 35 and 42, you must become the DREAMER. This is the phase when you have known love from play, knowledge from being taught, wisdom from being advised, grit from making sacrifices and goodwill from helping people. It is now your time to dream, and I dare you to dream BIG. You are old enough to avoid stupid mistakes and young enough to fall and get up again. You must make your move. Start a business, change jobs, join politics.. this is the sweet spot for dreamers.
And then you get to 42, you are now RESPONSIBLE, where you stop being the victim and become the catalyst, the generation that is capable of driving change and therefore responsible for doing so. Just like our forefathers who took an axe and headed into the bush to start a community, we must take the lead in the 7 years between 42 and 49.
In the past 7 years, this has been my calling, to take responsibility for whatever is failing around me and to DO SOMETHING about it. To organize people, to aggregate resources, to advocate for change.
And now, as I approach the next phase, I am seeking answers too. Just like you, I want pointers as to how best to live the years between 49 and 56, and I am hoping that this event, this conversation leads me to answers.
Where do we go from here?
-PLAY / HAVE FUN : 0 — 7
-TEACH / LEARN : 8 — 18
-ADVISE / LISTEN. :15 — 21
-SACRIFICE / STRENGTH : 22 — 28
-HELP / RELATIONSHIP : 29 — 35
-DREAM / BUILD : 36 — 42
-RESPONSIBLE / ACT :43 — 49
-LEAD / TAKE Charge : 50 — 56
Whatever you do, remember that everything has it’s time, and the time now is for you to listen to the counsel of elders, to learn from their experience and be better then they ever were.
May your future be bright and your memories sharp.
29th July 2023
